More secrets


This weekend was such a killer. On Friday we went to see my parents and my sister and yet I’m sworn to secrecy. My sister made the most amazing meatballs with tagliatelle but I was worried they were a little on the rare side and I had to give them to my husband to eat. I brought a selection of cheeses for pudding, I’d been to a great cheese shop on the Northcote Road who’d provided me with pasteurized cheeses so I could eat all of them. It was lovely to catch up with my family but I hated not being able to tell them our news, I knew they would be so excited for us.

On Saturday we headed over to our friends to meet their one month old. It was very exciting, he’s very cute and I got lots of cuddles. Again total torture not being able to tell my best friend but her partner swore her to secrecy so she knew not to ask even though it was perfectly obvious that I am pregnant. We spoke about nothing other than babies, pregnancy, child birth and parenting. I gave baby Joshua a bath, winded him, cuddled him, changed his nappy – turns out he needed a wee as soon as i opened the nappy! It was great though, not just because he’s lovely but because it was nice to have a go at things before my own baby shows up. They gave me two books to take away with us, What to expect when you’re expecting and Expecting better. By the time we’d got back to London I was almost half way through Expecting better and was totally in love with it. It’s written by an Economist, Emily Oster, who uses data behind all the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy to make her own conclusions. I think it is truly brilliant and I would really recommend it.

On Sunday I felt a little more quesy than normal and only managed a piece of toast for breakfast. By midday we were somewhere on the M4 and I knew I was going to be sick if I didn’t eat something. I didn’t manage to eat until about 2pm and by that time I thought I was going kill someone in order to put some food in my body. Somehow we didn’t manage to find any services on the way home and quickly grabbed some friends en route to the brunch place in Wandsworth. As we walked in the door I went straight to the counter and asked if they’d mind if I ate a croissant, they said they were happy to bring it to our table, I apologised for being so hungry and said I thought I might faint and hope I wouldn’t offend them if I just helped myself, fortunately they thought it was funny, so did my husband and our friends, sadly I couldn’t see the funny side. Our friends are also expecting a baby but when I’d asked about morning sickness Nat had said she was fine as long as she had some wetabix for breakfast so I don’t think she’d understood what I was no experiencing. By the time we left the restaurant I had eaten several more dishes, eating is the only thing that seems to stop the nausea. Unfortunately I now felt very poorly from eating so much and didn’t manage to move from the couch for the rest of the day or eat anything for dinner.


Keeping my cool

At lunch time I had my first really frustrating pregnancy experience. I went to yoga where the instructor told me it’s not safe to do yoga in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. I’d done plenty of research and I’m 100% confident that she’s wrong. What could I possible do to harm my unborn child? It’s the size of a grain of rice! I would say getting a pregnant lady very annoyed and not allowing her to unwind in a hatha yoga class is likely to have a far bigger chance of bringing on a miscarriage! I will find a better teacher and will see someone new next week.  Check out this conflicting view-yoga is safe:

I’m supposed to be seeing three of my closest friends for dinner tonight but I know the non-drinking will make things awkward and they’ll ask me if I’m pregnant. I can’t lie to them so I decide to make my excuses. I’m encouraged by how quickly the time is going, next week will be seven weeks and then I’ll only have five more secret weeks. Some days I don’t feel pregnant at all, despite the sickness, dizziness, abdominal pains and tender boobs, these are all things I’ve experience before and I’ve never been pregnant before, I could just be experiencing period pains on a hangover. I’m told once I have my 12 week scan it will all become very real to me.

Morning sickness 

Today was the first day I felt really sick. It’s quite reassuring as it confirms I’m still pregnant and I should be about 6 weeks. This morning I went back into my house to get my baby on board badge and a plastic carrier bag. I didn’t want to use the badge until I was heavily pregnant but I thought, if I’m going to throw up on a packed train I’d rather be sitting down. After a lot of panting, deep breaths and clutching my badge in my hand I managed to make it to Tesco next to my office where I picked up a variety of cereal bars as I’d read they’re good for the morning sickness and I couldn’t face porridge and a banana. I’m petrified someone at work will realise I’m pregnant and suddenly I’ll be seen as someone who’s leaving rather than going places. I need to keep it a secret for as long as possible. My colleague came in with her baby today, he’s only 4 months old and he’s beautiful. I wanted to ask a million questions but I need to be subtle. My husband told me off for quoting pregnancy stats at the week. It’s so hard to keep quiet!

I did spin at lunch, I’m keen on keeping a small, trim and fit body in the hope of a perfect labour (if that’s possible) and a 7lb baby. All the symptoms I’m experiencing are things I’ve had before, just not normally all at once. I felt dizzy and sick and the instructor kept telling me to keep it up, push hard etc. but I just don’t have as much in me as normal. I don’t feel defeated but I know I have to keep at it as I’m not working as hard as normal. I weighed 2lbs more than last week, I blame a lot on this baby and pregnancy but I suspect carbs and chocolate are to blame for those 2lbs-they will be gone by the weekend.

It’s real

On our arrival back from the wedding I have two letters labelled NHS on the envelopes. The first one confirms I have a 12 week scan on Tuesday 1st September, the second confirms I have a midwife appointment on Monday 10th August. I’m so excited, it’s all starting to feel real. Both letters come with a number of leaflets. It’s quite scary to read about some of the tests, it’s one thing to deal with what happens if the Down’s syndrome test comes back as high risk, but if it does i’ll be offered an amniocentesis test, which has a 1 in 100 risk of miscarriage. I’m not much of a gambler but I don’t like those odds. I try to put it to the back of my mind as I continue my progress of getting through The Goodwife on Netflix, there are so many box sets I plan to make my way through when I’m on maternity leave. All suggestions welcome!

Nice day for a white wedding

I started the day with some apprehension. We’re off to a wedding and being just 5 weeks pregnant I can’t say a word, I’m nervous about how I’m going to disguise my lack of drinking. My husband and I have gone through all of our tricks, I’ll ask him to hold my glass, he’ll give me it back after drinking most of it etc. fortunately on arrival our friends are there with their tiny 9 day old baby who is a lovely distraction. As soon as I have the chance I have baby Eliot in my arms and my mind wanders off to how different things will be in about 35 weeks. After the service I nurse a glass of bubbles and no one seems to notice that I’m not drinking it. As we go through to the meal someone on our table has the bright idea that we should not sit next to our husbands and wives but move places to sit with different people each course. I go into a panic as I wonder how I’m going to get my husband to drink my wine from the other side of the table. Fortunately it works out fine as no one sits with me long enough to notice my wine glass remains full throughout the meal. My husband does come to my rescue when a plate of Parma ham is placed in front of me saying “such a shame you don’t like Palma ham” as he scoops it onto his own plate. I love Palma ham! Over the course of the evening I’m offered many drinks and politely decline, these responses are met with “are you pregnant?” 2 or 3 times. I hate lying to people. I say “give me a chance, we’ve only been married 7 weeks!”. I can’t wait for the first trimester to be over so I can tell the people I care about.

By about 9pm I’m wishing I was tucked up in bed, but we’re suddenly called to a failing dance floor which I decide to bring back to life. After providing the DJ with many song suggestions the party gets moving again and I dance non-stop for the next 3 hours. I feel totally exhausted and dizzy all evening but suspect the exercise did me good and I hope I’ll be able to dance all through pregnancy.

Telling the Doctor


Just after 9am I’m called into the Doctors room. It’s all over very quickly. He’s very nice to me, says congratulations and explains the process. I had guessed it would be very simple, the doctor completes two forms, one so I’m set up on the system and will have the routine pregnancy scans and appointments made for me, and the other is for me to get free prescriptions and dental treatment while I’m pregnant. I’m given a copy of a little magazine called Emma’s diary. I have a quick scroll through but it’s mostly full of adverts and requests for me to sign up to offers and gift packs but I’m reluctant to be spammed especially at this early stage of pregnancy so haven’t done anything with it since.

Being induced

We went to visit some friends today, they are expecting a baby in a couple of months so we get to talk a lot about babies and pregnancy without very much attention being on me. A few things I heard in the course of our evening chat in their Dulwich garden make me nervous. I’m told that if your baby doesn’t arrive on it’s due date then you are immediately induced at Kings College Hospital. I don’t like the sound of that. I’m not sure anyone can be 100% confident of how old my unborn child will be at any stage of pregnancy so I’d like to wait the extra two weeks post due date that I’d expected. I do some research and come across this lovely video of giving birth at Kings. It makes me cry, I blame the pregnancy hormones but If I’m honest I’ve always been a very emotional person. I had thought a lot about how I want to give birth but being less than 12 weeks and keeping it a secret I feel there is a chance that this pregnancy won’t go to full term so I try not to think about 40 weeks too much (easier said than done). My best friend gave birth to her first son in water two weeks ago. Everyone I know who has had a water birth has very good things to say about it, and unless there are complications I want a water birth. The fear is that the hospital doesn’t have a free birthing pool when I go in, they mention a birthing centre that Kings is linked to, I think you have better odds at securing a pool at a birthing centre and I prefer the sound of a birthing centre rather than a hospital. However I’m not ruling out a home birth. One of our friends is a midwife and she lives round the corner from us, we’d love it if she could deliver the baby. More research and I find a blog about a lady called Gill being induced at Kings on her due date. I put all the inducement thoughts to the back of my mind as I’m told about the next alarming thing.

Our friend fainted in Church a couple of weeks ago, fell backwards and cracked her head open. Fortunately she was quickly whisked to hospital where the gap in her head was glued back together and she’s made a full recovery with no harm to the baby. It got me thinking, although I’ve only been pregnant for a very shot time, in that time I have felt dizzy very frequently and yet I’ve never thought I could faint. I will be more conscientious at all times and will be quick to lie down if the dizziness gets bad.